hope, fear, and timing
if you are caught up in desire, in the dance of hope and fear, it will distort your sense of timing, among other things-- your randori will suffer, and no matter how well you do or how poorly it turns out, it will all still feel like a struggle because your timing and your reactions have become arbitrary. As Musashi reminds us "real timing is in the void"- Far outside of hope and fear-- precise. moment to moment.
If you fear losing, you should lose more. Until you have conquered the fear of loss, you will have defensive actions in your play. These only stunt your growth. I advise new Judoka that the best defense is a good offense. Don't waste time working on defensive behavior.
This is the same reason we place such emphasis on learning escapes in Judo grappling. When you no longer fear being held down, then your top-side game of holding really takes off. You can toss caution to the wind, because you know you can escape if your partner holds you down. If your escape work needs polishing, if you always find yourself hoping your partner doesn't apply that hold, you should invite him to hold it until you no longer fear it.
Conquering fear is what the martial arts are about. We learn to conquer fear in the dojo, then it bleeds over to the remainder of our lives.